


Just Put It In a Box

by Pseudthisyafucks (collettephinz)



Series: The Long Distance Problem [13]
Category: Youtube RPF
Genre: Angry Mark, Arguments, Fights, M/M, Protective Mark, discussions on mental health, kinda asshole jack, not even kinda, pole dancing vid that isn't out yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 18:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15712845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collettephinz/pseuds/Pseudthisyafucks
Summary: Mark's finding out just how deep of a hole Jack has dug for himself in Jack's quest to dig himself out, andgets pissed.





	Just Put It In a Box

**Author's Note:**

> what can i say
> 
> little miffed

“That was fun,” Seán said, smiling like he meant it. And of course it had been fun for the most of it, Mark loved his pole dancing series and Seán had serendipitously been here to participate in the next installment, Mark wouldn’t have done a third video if it _wasn’t_ fun. Originally, Mark had planned on having Tyler and Ethan help him out, but Ethan was still recovering from his own thing that had sent him back him to Maine, and Tyler was with his mother. Seán had graciously volunteered his time and Mark wasn’t about to say no.

It had been perfectly fun until they’d taken a breather from the strenuous activity and Mark had watched Seán deliberately ignore a text from Felix. 

Mark wasn’t blind, okay. He wasn’t in some cocoon, he didn’t live under a rock, he knew Seán was dealing with his own personal shit, with his burnout stuff, and feeling purposeless. As someone who experienced and understood a large spectrum of mental health, Mark knew that literally _everyone_ was meant to experience some sort of mental crisis in their life. The way the world was today just made it impossible to avoid. And while Mark didn’t necessarily agree with the way Seán had chosen to cope— Seán hadn’t had much experience with his own mental health so he didn’t know much on how to handle it— Mark hadn’t felt the need to say anything until now. 

They were toweling off the sweat, coming down the mild adrenaline that came from a good workout, and Mark had to ask— “You’re not breaking up with Felix, are you?”

The way Seán hesitated made Mark’s heart sink.

“You still don’t get it,” Mark said. “You hit this rut and you suddenly think you need everything to change to fix it. God, Seán, when people advise you to make a small change in your life to help you get through something like this, they don’t mean push away and avoid the people who do the most good in your life.”

“I was fine all those years up until I started dating him,” Seán said.

“And you were fine the past fucking year!” Mark replied, raising his voice a little because he couldn't let Seán do this. Seán had been in LA for a good few weeks and Felix was still reaching out to him, still trying to talk to him. Mark could just picture the other man, back in gloomy Brighton, muddling his way through his days and keeping his chin up even as Seán ignored literally every single hand he had extended. “I don’t even know why you had to leave,” Mark said. “Felix has been through the same shit you’re going through right now. He could have helped you. He would have loved to help you.”

“Felix could be the one causing it,” Seán defended. But he was standing with his shoulders hunched and toes together. He knew what he was doing was wrong. He had to. “How am I supposed to get better if he’s the reason it’s worsening? He doesn’t get it. He tells me to leave the house with him, to go do shit I don’t have time t’ do. He doesn’t understand my work ethic because he ain’t got any fuckin’ ethic. He doesn’t respect me.”

Mark gaped. “How are you this stupid?”

Seán scowled at him and threw his gross towel at Mark’s face. “If I wanted a lecture, I’d’ve gone t’ Ireland, not LA.”

“This isn’t okay, Seán.”

“It ain’t yer business.”

“It is my business when you could hurt someone I care about.”

“And ye’ don’t care if that person could be hurting me?”

“I don’t care because he’s _not._ ” Mark ran his hands through his hair, panicking at the edges. If Seán really did intend to break up with Felix, then Mark— Mark didn’t know what he would do. “You’re so fucking stupid,” Mark said again. “Because you honestly thought that the best way to fix your depression and get out of a slump was by locking yourself in a fucking dreary room with little color and stimulation aside from computer screens and only come down for meals. _Felix was trying to help you._ ”

“If ye’ wanna sing his praises so much, maybe you should date him,” Seán snapped.

“If I did, I’d probably treat him better than you ever have.”

Seán jerked forward, gnashing his teeth, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. Mark brought his own hands up to defend himself, even as he saw that Seán had aborted his instinctual reaction _to hit._ If Seán had—

“If you ever physically hurt Felix, I will call the police on you,” Mark told him, watching Seán warily, waiting for him to go through with a swing. “I don’t care what I have to do, that shit isn’t okay. God, Seán, you’re temperamental and moody and I get it, okay? I’ve hit that slump before too, and it took me a while to get out of it, but I got out because I started _going_ out. I would enjoy my day with Amy, I would explore something or somewhere new, I hung out with my friends _outside_ of a screen. And even they didn’t have time, I did it myself. I went to the beach, I drove around aimlessly, I left the screen because I knew it was what I had to do to take care of myself. And you were too fucking stupid to see that yourself, so Felix tried to help you. And you _left him for it._ ”

“Ye’ don’t know anything about me and Felix,” Seán said. 

“I know that he isn’t the one hurting you,” Mark huffed. “You’re hurting yourself. And now you’re hurting Felix in the process, which I fucking hate, but that’s fine, it happens with mental health, but now you’re considering hurting him further in the name of getting better? Leaving someone who loves and cares for you almost unconditionally isn’t _getting better._ It’s damaging and harmful and it doesn’t help anybody. Don’t think no one hasn’t noticed. Everyone who knows Felix knows that he’s gotten so much more content with himself and his life and just the world itself once you and him started dating. Leaving him will ruin him.”

“So ye’ don’t care about me at all,” Seán accused harshly. “Ye’ don’t care that I could be suffering. You just wanna look out for Felix. Like the night I went on my first date with him, yeah? Ye’ didn’t really care about me. You just wanted to make sure Felix would come out all hunky-dory.” Seán shook his head, lip curling with a sneer. “Some friend you are. Never should’ve forgiven ye’.”

“You’re projecting,” Mark said. “You’re avoiding the topic by shoving my focus onto another one by attacking my character. I’m not falling for it, Jack, I’m—”

“Oh, so I’m Jack again?”

“You are when you’re acting like a _fucking asshole._ ”

“I’ve never hit Felix,” Jack said. “Never even hit another person. But I am so damn close t’ hitting you.”

“I don’t understand,” Mark pushed on. “I genuinely don’t. What the fuck brought this on? What made you think you have to leave the person who makes you happiest? The person who bends over backward to give you the things he wants? How many times did he reach out to you and try to help you deal with the shit in your head? How many times did he invite you out with all the others? How many times did he ask to come with you to LA for you to just turn him down?”

Jack squared his shoulders, but he wouldn’t meet Mark’s eyes. Then, “We’re too different. He doesn’t have the same work ethic as me. He doesn’t care about the things he should. We’re just too different, Mark.”

“That difference used to be what made you both so perfect for each other,” Mark said. “And the only person responsible for changing that is you.”

“So it’s my fault?”

“Absolutely.”

Jack scowled. “Like I said— some friend you are.”

Mark had to take a step back, tug at his hair, looking somewhere else and district himself because he couldn’t organize his thoughts when he was this angry. He caught a glance of himself and Jack in a reflection of the floor to wall mirrors, remembered how they’d been laughing their heads off just moments before as they slipped from the poles and tried to twist their bodies into all sorts of unnatural ways. Mark wasn’t sure if he would have been able to enjoy Jack’s company so much if he’d known what Jack was plotting. If he’d known that Jack had somehow gotten it in his head that Felix was the one messing up his head.

“You didn’t tell him, right?”

“That I might break up with him?”

Mark shook his head. “I know you’re not that cruel. You wouldn’t tell him unless you’d decided. But you didn’t tell him you blame him for your depression, right?”

Jack heaved this sigh. Paused a little. “… I don’t blame him entirely. But I don’t know what else it could be.”

“It’s the computers, Jack. It’s isolating yourself. It’s not going outside for fresh air and the sun. Felix knew all of that and he tried to bring you into the world and help you get better but you refused.”

“Then he should have tried harder.”

Mark shut his eyes, blocked out the world as he breathed slow. “I’m going to punch you, Jack.”

“What?” Mark could hear the disdain in Jack’s voice. “If he really loved me, wouldn’t he have tried harder? If he really knew that was what was wrong with me, he would’ve tried t’ get me outside a lot more. Hell, he could have pulled me from the fuckin’ chair. But he didn’t. So that’s on him.”

When Mark opened his eyes to look at Jack again, whatever was in Mark’s expression made Jack flinch. “I hope you do break up with him, then,” Mark said slowly and carefully. “So he can find someone who doesn’t treat him like absolute shit. Someone who is actually loyal to him and doesn’t look to blame him for the things that they do to themselves. Someone who doesn't run away from him and their problems like a fucking child.”

Mark picked up his towel and spare clothes, folding them over his arm and taking his keys from the locker he’d stuffed his belongings in. “I’ll be waiting in the car,” he told Jack. He turned on his heel and left. Checked his phone and wondered how out of the blue and suspicious it would be for him to reach out to Felix and see how he was doing. 

Mark knew and understood that Jack didn’t know the first thing about actually struggling through mental health, but he would never, ever let anyone use mental health as an excuse to destroy the people who loved them.


End file.
